The innocent can never last …
summer has come and passed
the innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends …
I just got back from the dorms in my school. I met a guy from my town on MySpace. And I just … I went oral with him. And I never have.
And I feel really really dirty and I’m crying and I don’t know why.
He didn’t believe that it was my first time.
And that just made me feel worse.
I told my mom. She said I wasn’t dirty and everything but it didn’t really help. I was crying the whole time. And then I cried all quiet on the way home. And then I cried when he called. And then I cried on the phone with Andie. And my mom’s stepping on fucking eggshells. And I don’t want my stepdad to be mad because I can’t hug him right now I just can’t.
And … I’m worried I’ll do it again. And that if I don’t I’ll have to use pills and hurt me.
My mom said one of the worst things ever. He called me. I hung up my cell and turned it off. And my mom said ‘at least he called’.
And I know exactly why he called.
She kept telling me I’m the most chaste nineteen year old she knows. And that just made me feel like I got a big dent in me.
She thinks she’s helping and half the time she does.
But I had to run through the house and wipe off everything I touched with kleenex, even the toilet seat. And I even had to wipe off her hands. And in the car she grabbed mine to say it wasn’t dirty … but I still thought it was.
Fuck, I’m crying again.
And I just … feel fine and then I don’t. It sucks beyond belief.
ring out the bells again
like we did when spring began
wake me up when september ends.
