I can’t help it. I’m addicted to the ‘Dear Abby’ and ‘Dear Margo’ columns.
But, I thought this was extremely worth of chatising:
DEAR ABBY: I have reason to believe that a young man in my family may be gay. (He is 15.) I have been thinking a lot about it lately, and have been wondering if circumcision would cure it. What do you think? — GRANDMOTHER IN MISSOURI
I mean … come on.
Circumcision curing homosexuality?
What do they do to the lesbians then?
I don’t want a boy with dimples.
I don’t want a boy with a good job.
Hell, I don’t want a boy with pale skin, black hair, eyeliner, and an air of effeminity.
But … I can’t tell you that, mom.
I can’t tell you about her at all.
tricky, tricky
turning tricks
give a handjob
suck a dick
spin in circles
fall on your back
hit your knees
money in the sack
—
It’s not meant to be good. It sucks. But it’s silly. And I wrote it in about twenty seconds.
Today my mother accused me of ‘flirting with a fourteen year old piece of jailbait’.
And I changed the subject.
And then she started talking about relationship astrology.
And I blew it off.
Thens he started talking about me being cute and guys liking me …
… and I wanted to kick something.
Just fucking scream ‘I’m dating her! I’m dating Andie! We’re fucking dating!’
But I didn’t.
There’s only about a week and a half left until the twenty-fifth.
And I just got inspiration for an awesome anniversary present.
♥
